Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I want is dick and wine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
