With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
