True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
