help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
