he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
