How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
