I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
