I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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