Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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