To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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