I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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