We got so high we made milksteak
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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