my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
