Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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