I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
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