mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
