I just threw up on my dentist
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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