I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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