Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
