If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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