I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
