I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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