just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
