Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
