I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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