guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
