I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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