I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
