Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize