I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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