if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
