Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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