yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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