I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
