I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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