yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize