i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize