I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
