ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
