We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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