Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
