I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
