i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
