Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize