I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it because I queefed?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
