I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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