the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
