cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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