Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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