You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
