Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
