id be glad to
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
