had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize