There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
