WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
