I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
