DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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