When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
