we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
