I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
