well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize