420 ftw
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
