I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
