I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
