They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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