Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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