Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
