Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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