Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize