Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
