You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
