I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
