We're facebook friends in real life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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