hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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