i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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