cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
