Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
