my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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