U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
