I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
