I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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