Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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